NAQs
(or Never-Asked Questions)
about
- [LAST UPDATED June '99]
ADD TO THE NAQ
LIST!
Q. How did you get Sean
Connery to do the voiceovers for your KPBX promos?
A. We'll let Sean tell that one:
"Well, you shee, I wash working on a film reshently, and I notished
the head gaffer doing a wee dansh as he lishened to a CD. He gave me
a blasht and bugger me if it washn't "The Mingulay Boat Shong", which
my dear Ma ushed to shing to me when I wash a babby. I ashked him the
name of the talented minstrelsh and troubadoursh, and that wash my
intiation to the Celtic Notsh. The resht ish hishtory".
Q. Do you have any other
name-dropping stories like that?
A. Well, a few, but modesty dictates.
Q. Where did the name
"Celtic Nots" come from?
A. As Nigel so succinctly put it,
"Sometimes we're playing Celtic music, sometimes we're not!" The
truth is that we liked the possibilities that the "not" part gave us
-- think of how easy it's going to be to find album titles: Not
Bloody Likely; Not By Half; Not On Your Nelly (OK, so those are a bit
British!); Waste Not Want Not. Get the picture? By the way, free
CD to the person who comes up with the best
title for our next recording!
On the subject of names, here are a few
of the manglings that our relatively simple name has
undergone:
Celtic Nuts -- Celtic Notes -- Cultic
Nits -- Celtic Knock -- Silly Wizard (only kidding!)
Q. What do you call all
those instruments you play?
A. Aha! This must be a question from Jim
Leighty, the sexy 107.5 THE PEAK d.j. Well, you are right, we DO play
a lot of different instruments and they all DO have names. Nigel's
drums are called "Colin" and "Red". Carlos calls his instruments
"Tyrone" and "Wee Willy". Carlos even has names for his picks, the
Fender brothers: Freddy, Dooby, and Bender. OK, if you really insist
on a serious answer, have a look at the lengthy and somewhat
informative Instruments page.
Q. What's the definition
of good pitch?
A. When you throw a hurdy-gurdy and it
lands in a dumpster.
Q. What's the deifintion
of perfect pitch?
A. When you throw a banjo and it lands on
the hurdy-gurdy!
Q. Why do you tell such
lousy jokes?
A. To counterpoint the energy and
intricacy of the music.
Q. How did the band get
together?
A. Well, one evening about four
years ago Nigel was out taking a walk in Riverfront Park when
he saw Carlos sitting on top of the goat playing bluegrass to
die for. "Say, dude, do you play yadada ?"
quoth Nigel. "Indeed he does!" cried a voice in the wilderness (well,
OK, the shrubbery), and out strode Funke, who, it subsequently transpired, was
attempting to find a shortcut to Espresso Delizioso. The three of
them launched into a scat version of Drowsy Maggie and were scarcely into the first B section when
they noticed a wild and lanky youth riding the carousel and playing
the Macarena on an old and much abused sousaphone. It was, of
course, James. This blatant lack of artistic integrity
appalled the three good fellows, and they promptly dragged him off to
penny whistle camp, where he remained until they were satisfied that
musical redemption had been achieved.
Q. Umm...Is that
true?
A. Not bloody likely!
Q. How long have you been
together?
A. This time around, about four years. In
former lives, we were a barbershop quartet on the Titanic, imperial musicians in the Forbidden City for the
T'ang Emperors, Nomadic Shamans with the Touareg in Northern Africa,
and of course, iconoclastic troubadours in medieval France...several
times.
Q. Huh?
A. What did the Buddhist monk say to the
hot dog vendor?
Q. Look,
I'm asking the questions here, OK???!!!!
A. Maybe not!
Q. What's the deal with
Funke? I mean, how come he never moves on stage?
A. Funke exists in two dimensions
simultaneously and any sudden movements can cause far-reaching
ripples in the fabric of space-time, as Ford
Prefect put it: "eddies in the
space-time continuum."
Q. Do you mean
Eddy-the-guy-who-works-at-David's-Pizza?
A. Yeah, whatever.
Q. James is very tall for
an Englishman, isn't he?
A. Sometimes.
Q. Are any of you actually
Irish?
A. Not by birth, no, but we've all had the
operation.
(For those of you who are
medically-minded and interested, this involves insertion of
additional brain, liver, and heart!)
Q. Where do you record all
that great music?
A. At Mind the Gap! Studios. (Well, OK, in Nigel's chicken
barn.)
Q. Do you guys have a
CD?
A. No. All our money is in mutual funds.
[Ba-boom....tshhhh!] Yes indeed we DO!! Check it out
here!
Q. How do I get hold of a
copy?
A. Put $15 under your pillow at night, and
the Not Fairies will give you one.
Q. I beg your
pardon?
A. Ok, if that fails, email
James. Or try this link right
here: Order
now!
Q. What's the hidden
message in Lannigan's Ball?
A. "Don't watch Pulp Fiction... Don't watch Pulp Fiction..."
Q. What's all this about
Dexter Amend?
A. He put the bum in
Bum in a Sling!
Q. Which one of you is
responsible for those cheesy promos for KPBX Kids' Concerts, you
know, the ones with the fake accents that fluctuate between Welsh and
Martian?
A. Ah, that would be Nigel and James.
Funke and Carlos are way too dignified to do that kind of
stuff.
Q. Is that why Carlos does
that thing with the cut-out smile?
A. Touché!
Q. Speaking of Carlos, is
it true he has a Fiona Ritchie complex?
A. You must be referring to the eclectic
cult radio show, The
Not So Celtic Hour. No,
this show is nothing like The
Thistle and Shamrock.For a
start, it's produced right here in Spokavegas, and b) Fiona Ritchie
doesn't do kids' stories, and 3) Carlos has a New York accent. (For
those of you who have the misfortune to live outside Spokaloo -
motto: "A great place to live" - call NPR to beg them for
syndication.)
Q. Do you play around a
lot in Spokane?
A. That's a rather personal question! Oh,
you mean GIGS! Check out our calendar of
events.
Q. Well, it's been fun
chatting with you. I'll let you go now.
A. Toodle-oo! If you have any more
questions, e-mail us at celtnots@foxinternet.net
Ideas on the future CD titles:
- (Submitted by Cindy Herbes)
- Not So Fast (Only ballads on this CD, please.)
- Why Not? (For there are sure to be those who ask
"why?")
- She Loves Me Not
- Not For a Million
Dollars (Your concert fee
when you make it big)
- ...Or Not To Be (Might be a little deep for you guys.
Remember your image.)
- Not in the Least
(For the songs that
donít make the greatest hits CD)
- Notwithstanding (No comment. The title stands on its own.
Ar!)
- Ask Not What You Can Do For Your
Country (Covers of old
Loretta Lynn and
- Merle Haggard hits)
- Not Tonight (Subtitle: Songs for frustrated lovers)
(Submitted by
Janean Jorgensen)
Not So Fast (well, no one said you blokes are
brilliant....)
Tie The Not
Not Even Close (OK, that's a little negative. How
about...)
Never Say Not
Not in My
Lifetime (your eventual 'best
of')
Not-ty Boys (or Nicely Not-y)
Not-ty Problem
Untied (your "unpluged" style... as if you're ever
Plugged to begin with!)
(Well, if you ever go Plugged:) Tied In Nots
Frayed Not
Not's Berry Farm (Ever been to California? OK, a few possible
copyright problems)
Nots Landing
Maybe Knot (a product of my reaction to the above
suggestion)
Square Not (well, there are four of you)
Notted Pine (for all of those longing love ballads)
Not Work
Sailing at 20
Nots
All for Not
Not Again